“Please tell me what it is their business does? How do they make their money?” my friend was asked. Working for a family who was extremely secretive about their lives and business, my friend answered, “It is not my story to tell.” Powerful words that put a stop to the questions and ultimately to gossip. I strive to make that my pat answer when asked about confidential and privileged information about someone, although I don’t always get it right.
Recently, a woman came to me with confidential information about her husband she “wanted me to know”. I asked her if she had permission to share this information with me. She didn’t. I suggested she call him to ask for permission. She wouldn’t. I told her this was his story and if he wanted me to know, he would have told me. She tried to share the information from several ways, but each time I effectively stopped her. I wish I could tell you that I have been successful with stopping others or stopping myself, but the truth is I have not. Although each time I am faced with a situation, I hope to improve with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Gossip is the sharing of information, even if true, about another person we have no business revealing. A gossiper is also called a whisperer, talebearer, babbler, slanderer and busybody. Gossip may look like venting, spreading rumors and opinions, or seeking advice.
“But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:8) Nothing portrays this better than gossip. With it you can ruin a person’s reputation, divide relationships, and destroy trust. “He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.” (Proverbs 17:9)
Tackling this problem requires us to admit we partake in gossip – either by actively sharing or by listening. Confessing the sin of gossip to God will free us to ask the Holy Spirit to help us conquer gossip. Ask ourselves why we want to share something about someone else. Getting to the bottom of our intentions may help us defeat gossip. Pray scripture over ourselves: “Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.“ (Psalm 141:3) James’ advice is to take our time to think through what we say before we speak. “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;” (James 1:19) Refuse to listen to gossip. Walk away, change the subject, gently ask the person not to share – just don’t listen. “Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.” (Proverbs 26:20) Every time we feel the need to share something or listen to someone share, change the tearing down to building up. “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” (Ephesians 4:29)
Go build up someone.