Category: Beneath The Paint

“Warm…warmer….hot!” my mother would exclaim as I searched the house for the gift she had hidden for me.  I delighted in those words.  I felt the elation of accomplishment as those words rang in my ears.  My mom always made gift giving and receiving so fun for us when we were kids.  I loved the game of hide and seek that sent me clamoring from place to place in search of the treasure.

My hands held the chocolate while I stood in the aisle reminiscing about my mom and all she did for me.  I found myself missing her as I took the “gift” for my grandchildren to the checkout stand.  My heart grew heavy as I realized that both my parents were gone – leaving me no one’s daughter anymore.  No one would love me as I suffered a loss or pain.  No one would draw their arms around me to give me comfort.  No one like my mother existed for me.  Truly, I was no longer a daughter.  As I walked through the parking lot with my heart heavy and my eyes filled with tears, I felt the Holy Spirit embrace my heart to comfort me; and then He pointed me to the Father – to Jesus and to Himself.  There I was, in the middle of a sea of cars, realizing a truth I already knew: I am a daughter forever  – a daughter of a King – a daughter with many royal brothers and sisters – a daughter with mothers all around me.  My tears turned to thanksgiving, and thanksgiving to joy, as my heart fully accepted the truth of what Jesus did by His coming  – I will never be orphaned or alone.

If you are a daughter or son without an earthly mother or father; or a mother or father without an earthly daughter or son – look around, open your heart.  There is someone without a daughter – someone without a son – someone without a mother – someone without a father – someone who needs you to share the light that shines through you.  Someone who would feel the joy of being loved – costing you but a bit of time.

The drawing was crude.  It showed the sun, planets and a figure with never ending arms embracing the heavens to the edges unseen.  The caption, scrawled with a child’s hand, read “I ‘heart’ u this much.”  The paper, framed by my fingers tightly grasping it, reminded me that the Lord’s grace and love has nothing to do with what I do, but what He gives, freely to all those who want to partake.  From the mouth and hand of a babe I received this drawing describing the love of the Savior.  It isn’t about the material blessings or the favor He bestowed but the unconditional love this young boy captured from His heart to his mind and then to his hand. So as the busyness of life begins to consume me, I look at that picture now taped to my bathroom mirror and am reminded that my heart must be consumed with His love – and I must let that happen by remembering daily – sometimes moment by moment – what He has completed.  It is all there for my taking – my receiving.  Lord, let me remember I can do nothing to earn your love – I already have it.

“We love to walk these trails together.
In honor of our 75th birthdays
Alton Skipper July 4, 1925
Nita Kurtley Jan 25, 1926″

He walked slightly hunched over – both of his hands shoved down to the bottom of his coat pockets – the collar turned up to provide some minute measure of protection from the chilly afternoon. He made his way to the bench positioned where he could watch the lovers stroll through the park.  His eyes were ancient – he avoided direct eye contact.  His grey hair glistened in the fading daylight caught with the orange glow of the sun.  He sighed deeply as he lowered himself onto the bench.

This was just an ordinary bench in an ordinary park in an ordinary city, but its position gave him extraordinary power.  His mind began shifting when he saw the two figures approaching.  Their gait slow – casual – without a thought for what the morrow may hold.  Their hands and arms intermingled as they laughed and strolled through the park.  He was witnessing intimacy so deep that it propelled him back in time, and suddenly he was walking this path 60 years ago with the girl of his dreams.  They reminisced of the day they met – a chance encounter at a busy bustling intersection.  He was walking north – she was going south – accompanied by their respective friends.  Their eyes met on that busy street amid all those people, and though they keep walking right past each other, their eyes remained locked as if nothing else – no one else existed.  He left his friends, turning left to parallel her – their gaze still being held captive by the other one.  Brazenly, he hurried to the next intersection to intercept her and the rest was history, as they say.  One hand wrapped around his and the other one around his upper arm.  They moved through the park – talking about life – their hopes – their dreams.  She smiled in a way that made her whole face dance.

Her laugh pulled him back from his memories – as the couple passed by him on that bench.  Once again he had a spent a snippet of time with his love.  He longed to stop the young couple – now moving farther away from him.  He longed to tell them of all the things he would do differently now if he had the chance.  He longed to tell them that their evening walk through this park rocketed him backwards through time – even if only for a few precious moments.  He longed to tell them not to forsake their walks when their lives became busy with work, kids, school.  He longed to tell them to hold each other now and everyday as if it were the last.  He wanted so very badly to tell them about priorities – about love – about the depth of their relationship.  He wanted them to know that every force would come against their romance to see if laid aside like a coat shed at the front door.  He never told them.  He was afraid if he did the power of the ordinary young couple walking in an ordinary park past an ordinary old man on an ordinary bench would fade away.  And he wanted to see her – his love – again tomorrow.

• Of the people whom you know now, which ones will you miss the most if they were to die suddenly?
• If they died, what would you see as a missed opportunity for conversation?What would you say?  Could you tell them now?
• What time would you want to “relive” with each of those people? Why?
• Of the moments in your life that are special – those that you want to relive – would a day you received an honor or promotion be one of them?

Lord, help us to remember that people in our life are what make up the memories we cherish most!  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

He looked her dead in the eyes – deeply – almost passionately – as if he bore the burden of what she spoke.  His hand touched her shoulder and slid softly down to her elbow – so innocent and yet so forbidden.  She couldn’t remember ever feeling so connected to someone.  He comforted her the way no man had before…he knew exactly what to say.  She was mesmerized by his look, his touch, his words.  She wished her husband was more like him.  But her husband worked all the time.  She often had to pick up the kids after work, prepare a meal, feed the kids, help with homework, bathing, put them to bed, and then do laundry before he ever came home. Life seemed to fall to her to do – she felt so alone – so responsible for everything. But this man, this man who seemed so united with her, he intrigued her.  She found herself thinking about him more and more – even when he was not near her.  She longed to run into him and even started to position herself where she was more likely to see him by chance.  Her mind romanticized what it would be like if he were her husband.  He told her she would never feel alone again if she was his wife –they would share all the responsibilities – and he would love her and cherish her everyday.  There would be flowers and gifts and romance all the time.  If only she was his wife.

Even though David knew how incredible God was, revealed in nature and within His Word, he suffered from the same thing we do – battling his flesh in light of our magnificent God.  David recognized that he had made “errors” or “moral mistakes”, and he certainly did.  He took someone else’s wife and had her husband murdered.  But he realized far too late that the thoughts of his mind transitioned to arrogance that resulted in devastating actions.  Although he repented when confronted with what he had done, there were consequences not only for him but for all involved.

The dialogue that begins this post starts with a thought that leads to “presumptuous” or “arrogant” mistakes – thinking that entertaining the fantasy will stay in the mind – and finally ends in those thoughts having “dominion” or “power” over the woman.  Imagine all that could be hurt by her actions – children, friends, and relatives, not to mention her husband.

Read Psalms 19:1-14

It is helpful to remember that God is in this with us for the long haul.  When we made a decision to believe that He is God and Jesus is His son sent to earth as a sacrifice for our mistakes, He knew us.  Because nothing is hidden from Him, he knew the errors and sins we would make later on and still He wants us. In light of all that He did for David, David still battled his flesh – the stuff inside him.  Sometimes it is hard to take a thought captive – to tell yourself not to go there and file it away in a cabinet with no key.  It’s only when we continue to take those things out and look at them – toy with them – that we transition to arrogant sin.  Think of arrogant sin as things we do thinking that we can handle them.  If you are recovering from addictive behavior – like drugs or alcohol – you cannot immediately put yourself in a position to be tempted.  Often gaining freedom from these two addictions can mean changing where you live, your phone number, your friends, and where you go.  Allowing arrogant sin to have dominion over a person is when the alcoholic goes into the liquor store for a coke and is faced with more temptation than his flesh can bear.

Keeping the various paths to sin in mind, answer the following questions:
•    What “error” or “moral mistake” is the Lord prompting you to consider changing?
•    Is it a secret sin – a thought, an arrogant sin, or a sin that has dominion over you?
•    What steps can you take to stop or change?
•    If you have been struggling with this error for some time and have tried by yourself to change but have not been successful, is there someone trustworthy in your life that can assist by holding you accountable?

Lord, You testify to who You are through creation and through Your Word.  How marvelous are all Your works!  Your Word is a light to me, revealing Your truth, directing my choices, cleansing my heart, purifying my thoughts, sanctifying me through and through.  It reveals my sin and shouts at me in love to redirect my paths.  Let it alone have dominion over me.  Lord, I repent for secret sins, arrogant sins and sins I have let rule over me.  Thank You for Your full forgiveness! Help me to leave those sins behind me.  Lead and direct my life from this point forward.  Help me to look to you for help when error is but a secret in my mind.  In Jesus’ name, Amen!

My enemy does not have a face.
My enemy does not have a gender.
My enemy does not have an ethnicity.
My enemy does not practice a religion.
My enemy does not have a government.
In fact, I have many enemies, but none have any of those attributes.  I divide my enemies into three different camps:

1 – Choices I make knowing full well the consequences are really not worth the pleasures.
I like to drive fast.  When I make a choice to go beyond the posted speed limit, I make a choice to open myself up to the possibility of a speeding ticket.  My few moments of pleasure come with a penalty.
The Word is plain and not veiled for those who believe.  He lays out His commands and precepts in a way all of us can understand.  He allows me freedom to choose to do those things or not.  When I choose not to follow His instructions, I can’t blame it on someone else or something else.  I can only blame it on me.  And, there is always a price to pay for that behavior.
Addictions start with choices, and may end up as a battle of the flesh.  Rarely is the devil actually to blame.

2 – Battles of the flesh.
My heritage is Sicilian, and  I grew up in a household where passionate demonstrative displays of emotions were more common that not. Suffice to say, that everything was passionate – including when someone was upset about something.  Everyone knew it – sometimes the neighbors knew, too!  Occasionally, I react to things that push my buttons without thinking – my mouth opens  and out comes words that may be categorized as severe or harsh by the recipient (not personal).  I respond with a demonstration of passion that some people view as anger.  I am working on changing this, but it is a constant process.  I often find myself apologizing not for what I said, but how I said it.
The word is clear about the fruit of the spirit being not anger but gentleness.  It is not like I intentionally end up extremely passionate at someone or something, but my response is colored by my demonstrative display of emotion.  Often times it is barely across my lips when I realize that I need to contain it, but it is too late.

3 – satan and demons.
They are given far more credit for poor behavior than they deserve.  Most of our problems lie with our choices and with our flesh.  However, our weaknesses are known by more than just ourselves.  The devil and demons will capitalize on those weaknesses.

Our God knows all of the good and all of the not so good things about us.  And….He still wants us and still loves us.  Just like David, if we repent, He is filled with mercy, forgives us and intentionally forgets those less than righteous things we say or do.  If He is our strength, our rock, our fortress, and our stronghold, then when we find ourselves needing to change or conquer an “enemy” within us, He will arm us with strength for the battle.

Read Psalms 18:1-50
What enemies (not people) do you have in your life?

Reread Psalm 18, keeping in mind:
a. …those poor choices and flesh sins as your real enemies. (Enemies are described as pangs of death, floods of ungodliness, sorrows of Sheol, snares of death, foe, enemy, those who hated me, my darkness, etc).
b. …what God will do for you if you choose to battle those enemies.

Who are You God? To me, You are my strength, my rock, my fortress, my salvation, my stronghold, my support, my reward, my perfect way, my avenger, my King.  When trouble comes, I will trust in You for rescue.  When I am afraid of the things I see in myself, I will call to You and You will answer.  You send your thunder, hailstones, coals of fire, arrows, and lightning to help me!  With You, I am a force to be reckoned with – there is nothing impossible.  You prepare me in all ways.  When I enter a battle, You arm me with strength, so I can beat my enemy as fine as the dust before the wind and cast them out like dirt in the streets.  You deliver me! Any darkness in me must flee as I give more of myself to You as there will be no where for it to hide.  “Your gentleness makes me great.” (v. 35b)  What an awesome thought to ponder!  Because of You, I am saved.  I bow down to the Most High God!  I exalt You and praise You.  Oh Lord, help me to keep my feet on Your path and my eyes focused on You.  Let my heart be filled with incredible love for You!  In Jesus’ name, Amen!

The sacrifices were laid upon the altars – two sacrifices – one for the True God and one for an impostor –something inert – made of wood and clay.  Voices booming – blood flowing – 450 calling the god of nothing to burn up one sacrifice.  Nothing – no answer – no flame – no flicker.

The sacrifice for the True God laid upon His altar so deluged with water, it soaked the wood, the stones, and flooded the trench at the altar’s base.  All this so no mouth could say that it was coincidence.  Drenched and engulfed with water, a single prayer goes up to the one True God – The Only God.  He sent His fire to consume not only the sacrifice placed upon the altar, but the wood, the stones, the dust, and the water in the trench.  No accelerants required – no help needed for the hand of God to act. Just the prayer of a believing man – just the expectation of a single man – just a man’s heart set with Him.
(From 1 Kings 18)

Our lives are now lived as a sacrifice upon the altar of His Word, inundated with the cleansing waters of baptism and repentance – then set ablaze and consumed by the fire of the Holy Spirit – not by the works of our hands, but by the cry of our heart.

The more I read the Word, the more I realize what it means to die to my life and take up His cross – to be a living sacrifice for the purposes of the gospel.  Although salvation is free, sacrifice is only free if your heart is established with Him.  Then, and only then, is it no longer a sacrifice as the world measures sacrifice, but it becomes an honor gladly done.

For both of these questions, think of things that you do on a regular basis.  (i.e. tithing, sharing the gospel, media choices, clothing choices, speech choices, serving the Kingdom of God, serving people, etc.)
•    What do I willingly do in or for the Kingdom of God with a glad heart?
•    What area do I hold back and see as a sacrifice not worth making?

Lord, thank you that Jesus is my perfect sacrifice.  I want to continue to grow from a hearer of the word to a doer, completely immersed in the cleansing waters of baptism and repentance as well as be set ablaze by the fire of The Holy Spirit. I confess my weaknesses to You and ask that You help me cultivate my life so that my heart is set with Yours in the area I hold back.  I thank You for the areas that I willingly give with a cheerful heart for the Kingdom of God.  Truly, You are my strength!  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

His meaty hand wrapped around the little guy’s hand so completely that it was hidden. He had a son!  There was nothing that could change the exuberance that lifted his heart upon wings!  He had a daughter, too.  He loved her more than words could draw.  But, this, this was a son – an image of himself – one who would follow his journey in life!  The smile in his eyes reflected the jubilation bursting in his very core.  He has a son!

New fathers of sons are a euphoric sight to behold.  Fear is buried deep within their hearts, but there is a joy that overrides those fears, and triumphs the mountain to stand in awe of their new creation.  The son is the apple of the new father’s eye; of that there are no qualms.

Read Psalms 17:1-15

•    Is there anyone you look up with in admiration?  Why?
•    Is there anyone who looks up to you? Why?
•    What does it mean for you to be the apple of His eye (verse 8)?
•    Think of a time when you felt you were not the apple of His eye.  Why did you feel that way?  Remember you are always the apple of His eye!

The enemy prowls around like a hungry lion seeking whom he may devour.  But I stand, Lord, on Your promises for those that love You.  So I seek You in prayer, hymns and songs.  I flee to You for protection.  I am the apple of Your eye and my shelter is beneath Your wings.  I know Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  I am confident that one day I will see You when I awake in Your likeness.  In the meantime, I purpose to tame my tongue and sanctify my heart.  But I need You in order to accomplish these things. Thank You, Lord, for changing me into Your image.  You alone keep me on Your path.  In Jesus’ name, Amen!